MY FND STORY
One day I woke up, and I couldn't walk properly. It started with a hobble, and then over the next 48 hours, my gait progressed to a stagger. I collapsed when I arrived at the hospital emergency room. The next few moments are hazy to recall. I remember falling out of the car and being lifted into a wheelchair. I remember being surrounded by emergency staff asking me to try to communicate or move my body. I could hear them, but I could neither speak nor move. The rest of that night in the emergency ward is hard to remember.
Over the next two weeks, I lay in bed while doctors tried to figure out what to do with me. Brain scans, blood tests, lumbar puncture, and a week of epileptic monitoring all showed that I had a healthy brain.
But there was something wrong, because I experienced daily episodes of dissociation that made my body limp. I lay in bed, feeling completely paralyzed and unable to communicate because my mind was so foggy, and my speech was so slurred. Walking was a tremendously exhausting effort. I had numerous falls, and I would collapse when sitting. I found it difficult to sleep through the night, because I would experience pain in my lower back. The less I slept, the more my symptoms worsened. The most challenging part of my new FND life was the functional seizures that would last up to an hour.
Up until this point, I had been a psychologist for 19 years. I had a thriving private practice, and I was fit and healthy. 2020 was supposed to be a good year (at least most of us thought that in February).
When I came out of the hospital, I was lost. I had a diagnosis, but no direction. Over the next six months, I read as much as possible about FND. I reached out and built a team of health professionals from all over the country who helped me rebuild my life, one step at a time.
FND is a complex condition that varies significantly from person to person in terms of severity and types of symptoms experienced. For those living with FND, our experiences are similar, but our stories are very different.
I have come a long way since February 2020. I live with FND, but FND does not rule my life. I have learned much about it through many hours of therapy, study and presentation. I am confident that the strategies that have helped me get to where I am today can help others living with FND improve their quality of life.
